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12/23/2010

A 34 Week Reminder

Yesterday I had my 34 week check-up. Usually these are pretty straight-forward. You pee in a cup. They measure your stomach. The doctor listens to the baby's heartbeat. You tell the doctor any symptoms/complaints you're having. You ask any questions. And then, you're done.

I always ask when scheduling my next appointment if there is anything in addition to this usual routine. Medical procedures and I don't really mix well, so knowing what is coming is 90% of what I do to deal with my anxiety. 

This knowing-ahead-of-time approach has worked out really well so far. I knew when I had to do my blood glucose test and doing my every-other-week blood draws have become very predictable. I'm sure there is some scientific explanation to all this, but I know that the more I know in advance about what is scheduled to happen, the better I am in dealing with the situation.

This all sets up what happened yesterday . . . I walk into the exam room and was asked to strip down into my birthday suit for an exam and strep B test (a bacterial infection that is common and no big deal, but they have to know so they can give me antibiotics during delivery so I don't give it to our baby).

I freaked out.

I was NOT prepared for this. It totally caught me off guard. That poor nurse . . . She's standing there with an 8.5 month pregnant woman who is freaking out about a simple procedure and exam. Dr. U comes in and tells me I don't have to do it now if I'm not comfortable but through talking to her and her walking me through what it exactly entails. I get it done but I'm holding back this huge wave of anxiety the entire time.

All of a sudden, I felt very unsure and scared about delivering this baby. I felt like an idiot for freaking out about something so small and simple. If I can't even do that, how can I deliver a baby?

I leave the office and call Cody crying.

He reminds me that I can do this. My body is made to deliver a baby. It will know what to do when I don't.

He reassures me that he will be there during the whole thing. And that we are preparing for it as much as we can.

He tells me that I am not in control, no matter how much I want to be. I have to submit to God and let Him be in control of my life. And that includes my physical body and delivering this baby.

He comes home with these:

DSC_0761

He hugs me and reassures me and tells me it's okay.

He shows me how much he loves me.

And I'm reminded that I'm married to the most wonderful man in the world.

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